Bigstuf was this week. And for those of you who have absolutely no idea what hey I'm talking about: Bigstuf is a youth conference for students from 7th to 12th grade. It's held over in Daytona Beach for four days--this year from the 18th til the 22nd of June.
Now that you're all caught up, I can continue.
Anyways. Bigstuf was this week, and I'll admit, I was a little apprehensive going in. I didn't know what to expect. Last year was just so... awesome. And I guess I was a little bit afraid that this year wouldn't be as good, wouldn't live up to my expectations.
Oh, how very wrong I was... This year was better than last. So much better.
It started out strong the very first night. I went up to The Pit (you know, up near the front of the stage) with Erica and Ruthie and sang at the top of my lungs.
The first song.
The very first. Freaking. Song. Something... something happened.
These are the lyrics:
You are holy,
Great and mighty
The moon and the stars,
Declare who You are...
And I was totally fine for all that. And thennnnnn....
I'm so unworthy,
But still you love me...
Boom. Something heavy is suddenly sitting in the pit of my stomach. The verse comes and I manage to pull myself together, but then we start to sing the above again, and my emotions just getting worse and worse.
(Okay, so maybe I can blame my emotional-ness on the fact that my hormones were so out of wack this week... but I really don't think that was it.)
I'm so unworthy,
But still you love me...
I'm so unworthy....
But still You love me...
It hit me so freaking hard. I'm so incredibly unworthy. I'm not fit to even stand before God and say 'Oh, yeah, totally, I'm a Christian'. I'm just not. But... He still loves me? But... I'm unworthy...
Can I just leave it at: I cried?
Anywho... Andy Stanley spoke that night. He gave his 'vampire' sermon again this year. XD You know, the one with 'drink my blood, eat my flesh' type deal. But the main point was: To whom shall I go? If not God then who? If not God then what?
He explained it like this: When we move away from something, we are always moving towards something else. When we move away from Christianity, we generally back away slowly... not knowing what it is we're turning to.
To whom shall I go?
Day two was beautiful. Andy spoke to us about relationships, and there are a few things in my notes that I'm just going to type up right here:
Promises are no subsitute for preparation.
The past is a better indicator than a promise.
Saying 'I do' does not make you cap-able, it makes you accountable.
The Paths people choos trump the commitments they make.
The present will be in the past, but it will be present in your future.
Instead of looking for the right person, focus on becoming the right person.
Are you the person the person you are looking for is looking for?
In the evening he spoke about appetites. These are my notes on that one:
The way you respond to your appetite can determine the quality and direction of your life.
You will rule your appetite or it will rule you.
Appetites: God created 'em, sin distorted 'em.
Appetites are never fully and finally satisfied.
Your appetite always whispers NOW, never LATER.
What is your bowl of stew? What are you trading your future for? Will you be willing to say 'no' and walk away? Don't trade your future for a bowl of temporary stew.
Day 3 we had Renee Yohe as our guest speaker. If you don't know who she is, she's the girl who inspired To Write Love On Her Arms. She spoke about hope. It was awesome.
That night, Andy was back and he spoke about discipline. The only really important thing in my notes is this:
When you rebel against God, you will do stupid things.
On Thursday, Justin Bieber's mother came to talk to us. Now, I was expecting her to talk about her son, but he was barely mentioned. She talked about herself and gave us her testimony. So many things had gone wrong around her... She had been rejected by her father, her friends, men... and she soon found herself pregnant at eighteen. And the whole time she was asking herself: What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with me?
She gave us a challenge.
She challenged us that... whenever we feel the need to ask ourselves 'What is wrong with me'... she challenged us to ask ourselves instead, "What is RIGHT with me?"
On Thursday night. Judah Smith came to preach. This is where the post-title comes in.
It started out all happy and stuff. He was makinga few jokes, having some fun. He told us about his very first date.
He considered himself rather smooth with the ladies... kind of. He had never been on a date before, never actually done anything exclusive with a girl. So... he asked his youth leader's permission to hold hands with the girl he was going on a date with.
The date had gone really well, he thought, and they were walking home. Now, he had expected the whole holding hands thing to go like it does in the movies. You know, when the guy puts his hand down, then the girl puts her hand down and suddenly they're just holding hands. Well... it didn't go down that way.
Judah just awkwardly stopped. And they stood there, looking at each other. Because he was so incredibly good with the ladies, well, he blurted out in her face, while extending his hand towards her like an idiot: "PASTOR JUDE SAID I COULD HOLD YOUR HAND."
Well, it was kind of weird for a second, but they did hold hands.... Actually, they didn't just hold hands. They Interdigitated. You know, when your fingers twine together and crap? He described it as: "Fourth of July fireworks in January". He then proceeded to sing "A Whole New World" (on stage, of course, not to his date).
..I'm fairly certain that story had absolutely nothing to do with anything at all, but it was good anyways.
His real message was that God. Is. Enough.
For everything.
And you know what?
I walked away from that camp today not thinking, not hoping, but knowing that God. Is. Enough.
I arrived at that camp uncertain and afraid.
I left it confident and sure.
Goodnight.
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